It was hard for me to decide to write a blog exclusively dedicated to my desire to more fully know God. I remember telling my friend Camille a while ago that I had no inclination to do such a thing. Oh, I didn't seek to avoid the subject. I mentioned my Father every now and then in my other writing, enough to give the hint that I was indeed Christian, but as I told Camille, I did not want to be limited. I didn't want to brand myself and my writing with a cooking blog, crafting blog, or faith blog. Sure, you have a clear audience, but I wanted to be free from constraints, from limited subject matter. However, Camille assured me that she would be interested in all those limited blogs I had just named. Perhaps I should have listened to that.
Or maybe I should have listened to another friend who sent me a link to a blog called Befriending Faith. She wrote me a note saying I should check it out, because her friend, the author of Befriending Faith, wrote very beautifully, and she knew that I enjoyed writing too. I took immediate offense to my friend's message. I enjoyed writing? No, I needed to write. Her friend wrote beautifully? Well, what of my writing? Had she ever bothered to read my words, let alone pass them on to others with a recommendation?
Ah, you see, I'm being honest and exposing myself as a little person, but that is exactly the way I felt. Nevertheless, I stifled pride and read Befriending Faith (which coincidentally, Camille had already mentioned to me). Obviously, it is a blog about developing your relationship with God. When I read it, it was during one of those times when I was praying about my writing, and I briefly wondered aloud to my husband if this was some indication from God that he wanted me use my writing in such a way. We both shook it off, but in an attempt to bury my uncomely pride, I wrote a post in which I linked to Befriending Faith. (Humbly I admit that the author of it does indeed write very beautifully, and the blog itself is inspiring.)
As I have already mentioned in my first post, however, I realized during Lent that God did want me to use my writing to please Him. I wasn't surprised about my revelation. I was only surprised that the thought had never occurred to me before.
Lent ended quite a while ago, and I am just barely beginning to write this blog about my incessant but sometimes weak search for the Prince of Peace. It is not because I lack in love, because my love for that Prince has never abandoned me since childhood. I have often said to my Dad, "All I can do is seek Him, even if I fail, because if I don't, I have nothing." I at least have the invaluable awareness that the desert through which I sometimes falter is present because of my separation from Him.
Still, I delayed so long in beginning here, because I began to suspect and then to discover that alot of other Christians who could write were already marching through the blogosphere with a similar mission, and how then was I to be different or more helpful? I think the answer comes from Saint Therese of Lisieux who quoted her friend Father Pichon as saying, "There are really more differences among souls than there are among faces." God responds to those different souls differently, I think, so I will share how he has responded to mine. And in general, I feel that Satan has such a monopoly in media, that I should at least do my part in bringing the light of Christ where I may.
If you are a creative person, and even truly if you are not, you understand how intentions can be cut through by the blade of discouragement. It was only when I saw a movie called The Encounter that I felt brave enough to defy that sword. In that movie, and yes I do recommend it, Jesus points out that all sin is to some degree rooted in pride. I had no doubt that my reluctance to go where I was led and my premature discouragement about success sprang from my pride in my writing. I started this blog that same night, and I hope that it may always please my Father.